In this article, I will discuss the importance of sex in marriage, some common reasons women aren't attracted to their husbands sexually, and what to do about it for both wives and husbands. Since you have a history together, your home is a place of both good and bad memories. Despite trying all these we have seen them getting divorced . BUT THAT'S FORBIDDEN. Now with the lack of intimacy and closeness, I really find him unattractive. And he does not want to make me happy. Solving this issue will take the combined efforts of both parties; it is not up to you to try to fix everything by yourself. But what many people don't discuss is that people's desire tends to wane over the years even when married to someone they are attracted to, because the relationship isn't new and exciting anymore. There is a lot you can do to help ensure this lack of attraction doesn't affect your marriage for long. ...to be honest she probably just braced herself...once or twice of intercourse...it's most likely she has always felt unhappy doing it...for 7 years. Sex relieves stress in both women and men, and this makes your walk through life a more pleasant one, despite the ups and downs of daily existence. Or does she outright reject you every time? However, the right to feel intimacy, and fulfillment in intimacy is woman's as much as man's. Narrated Ibn 'Abbas (RA): The wife of Thabit bin Qais came to the Prophet and said, "O Allah's Apostle! I've spent the past 24 hrs convincing myself I should be on my own should I trust my judgment at this point? At some point in marriage familiarity takes over, and sometimes contempt along with it. Not all women have the same level of extroversion when it comes to sex either. We had sex for the couple of weeks we were on our honeymoon, but I’m adventurous and he’s not and, on top of me feeling like I was forcing myself to be sexual with him, his unwillingness to try things just turned me even more off. Just as an FYI, I have anxiety issues too, and I also have a problem with where we live. People's natural attractiveness is generally highest when they are young adults, so you should expect that someone would not become more physically attractive over time. He is not an ugly man, but just doesn't do anything for me sexually. He wakes up in the mornings around 03:30, showers Leaves for work, he used to get home around 17:00, now for the past 2 weeks he has been getting home around 19:00. My husband and I have been married for 9 years, together for 13. Hang in there and think positive about your situation versus others. I also say don't DIVORCE. I have told my parents that I will not marry unless I have met the person that both my parents AND I feel right. I have tried to talk about the necessity of a physical relationship but he will not make the effort. He could have cared more about taking care of his body, and I have always tried to help him. Question: My wife and I have been married for 14 years and we have 4 kids. Hearts and Lattes (author) on April 27, 2019: It is wonderful that you are embarking on a possible future with a new husband. For example, is he a good worker? To him, I blame my lack of desire on menopause. Do I have any physical problem? They didn't do because many people knew that I am getting married and my parents didn't want to have a bad image. Answer: You are likely to be sexually attracted to different people your whole life, simply because it's natural. My husband is, the only way I can put it, very immature and innocent when it comes to sex (despite being nearly 40 years old). I am fighting alone. Answer: No, your feelings can change about another human being at any time. I am also much older and know what I want more than what I did in my early 20s. My Response… Hey Man– First of all, thanks for the email. It so happens that I am that woman. If you often notice that your husband stares at other women, flirts with other women, or suspect that he might be having an affair, these are worrying signs that your husband is not attracted to you anymore -- and worse, it can be a signal that you may need to take a serious look at your relationship, especially if he has engaged in affairs with other women. This is a little bit of a trick, but you could also test out becoming distant and cool in your demeanor, or acting "in charge." I harbor this idea. However, people's feelings are a natural part of being alive, and many go through these feelings every single day. Not feeling attraction towards a spouse is a very painful thing indeed and trying to have certain feelings can't happen at will. to get aroused and sleep with him. try to find the qualities in your husband , try to find whats different great things in him but not in others, try to remember the happy moments which you spent with him , try to see the husbands of other womens who are not good when compared to your husband. The first time it was kind of by accident. And those rare times once every six months she does let you have sex, before you even begin she complains that it hurts and she constantly keeps saying hurry up, are you done yet, and its only been one minute? This should satisfy him as well. But when I felt what I had been missing, I kept on doing it, until it became a habit. Rather than losing an attraction to you it's more likely just that to some extent relationship familiarity and comfort have taken the place of passion that is in most people's relationships early on. But the other areas can be lacking, which is how the years have sometimes transpired for you. As human beings, it is rare to ever be really satisfied permanently. How did you manage to have kids if you always found him unattractive? “If this sort of mentality is prevalent in all men, then it’s safe to say that the entire male population in our society has psychological issues – not just my husband.” she added. Soonafter marrying... health issues developed for me that prevented us from being intimate for the first couple years, which led him to have an affair. We have a big family. He says that it's not enough. If yes , what are the signs of it? I would get myself excited, but as soon as he would start something, my body would turn off. If you discuss this with her and she's not willing to change, and she's not willing to go to marital counseling to improve it, it is likely viable grounds for divorce. Answer: While it would be difficult to intentionally bring sexual attraction back you can always use fantasy and toys to bring yourself to arousal when your husband is in the mood. I even informed my husband now that I was not feeling attracted towards him and I am not ready. He ALWAYS wants to have sex, so I feel bad. They make fun of me in their conversation. A small trick some people also do is to let the other person "go." If you do not let your husband know that you are feeling this way, that will only make the situation worse. How is it possible? People who are really good and supportive of us do not come along that often. I don't feel attracted to him. Question: I’ve been married for only a couple of years. Answer: Yes, there is hope, even if it might sound unconventional. Then I would try to brace myself for as long as I can until I can have a child...then divorce would be along the way. She insists him to command me. Those men were crappy and in no way could become good husbands and fathers in my eyes at the time. Because if not it is considered "abandonment of affection" under the law, and grounds for divorce. Now I'm here.. not attracted like I used to be... and he is wanting to be intimate but I am not turned on by him... whatsoever. I don't necessarily want to give up the life I have, and I think I would miss him if he wasn't around anymore. I strongly suggest this. Answer: Probably not. Question: I'm thirty-two and have felt depressed forever. Answer: I am guessing you are talking about this as an overall theme in marriage, and it's actually very common. I’m not sexually attracted to my husband, and it’s okay. Women who experience regular orgasms or heightened sexual pleasure report better moods and happier lives. I can't even imagine my life without him but I just don't find myself sexually interested in him anymore. I don’t have major problems with his looks as such but I think if he looks better it might help me get attracted towards him. We’ve been married for three years, but we haven’t been intimate for nearly 2 of those years. Accept your garden, and divorce her once." Advice? I think he feels anxious because I had more sexual partners than him. But since divorce is not applicable here, therefore, I just "resist" myself, because I cannot change her. That being said, I no longer have any interest in a physical relationship with him. However, I am so unfilled in my marriage, and my husband just isn't capable of filling the gaps. That you have not found your wife attractive right after marriage, you will never going to find her attractive ever. Question: I am a very sexual person, but when I look at my husband, I don’t want to do anything with him. Another alternative is marital counseling for both of you to address the issue. We have had decent sexual moment in the past, but they have been few and far between. Although you didn't ask, if your partner is a good person and you are satisfied otherwise with the relationship, I would not let this person go. The important thing to consider is what you can do to remedy those issues. To be honest, he has never been able to sexually satisfy me. He doesn't agree about his mistakes. Whatever decision you take, weigh all matters carefully. Or could it be that a jinn is influencing or manipulating her thoughts in order to seperate her from your husband? To satisfy your partner you can also do some things that do not involve you being personally excited but physically still satisfies them. I find this a real betrayal but I am nothing to write home about in looks, so I can't do more than ask. Even a kiss on the lips does truly nothing. He Does Not Look at the Same as He Did Before. He Doesn't Show You Affection. Your physical attraction to your husband could wane and vice-versa. Many wives and husbands go through phases like this, but it is best to find a way to be intimate still. How is she supposed to complain to her husband that she does not find him attractive? It's average, but I am quite depressed, whenever I see him, I feel sad. There is a quote somewhere along the lines of there still being value in people and things even when there is no longer fun or excitement associated with them. Am I horrible for feeling this way? Question: Do you think the same sexual attraction issues in marriage apply for men as well? I believe that marriage is for life. Ugh. People get feelings for other people all the time, even when they're married. He is my best friend, he treats me well, and we have had a good life together. But this is where working through it -- observing obligation for intimacy to the spouse is important. Most men are more blunt and direct in their speech than women are. M y husband and I married when we were 21 and I was his first sexual partner. Is this normal? Hearts and Lattes (author) on March 21, 2020: Since this issue is multi-faceted and involves many people, I suggest therapy sessions for you and your husband. I love writing about relationships and helping my readers navigate all their ups and downs. Anyway, I am lost. You could try asking her about fantasies or any moves she'd like you to make. there is a quote of a leader muhammad ali jinnah that think 1000 times before taking a decision and once its taken , hold on it. Here’s how to get out of marriage purgatory now. As long as you are healed physically, some lubricant should help you where you lack personal moisture. Here are a few reasons why being intimate with your spouse is important for your well-being. Also, some women have had luck with a combination of lubricants and drinking 10 cups of water a day. He also created scene. There must be other women out there in the same situation, right? What happens in your mind is different from what you play out in life, with the latter making the difference in your and other people's lives. What is your husband missing? You can choose how to evolve. Why? Believe me sister, you need to look your husband from different angle. I love my husband but I’m not sexually attracted to him. He’s seen me at my worst, and (hopefully) at my best. For many years, I enjoyed our lovemaking, but it was never enough. dont worry sister , first take a deep breath and feel like you are in the sky to make sure you are relaxed. what would be the use, while he is as Allah intended???? I don't want to make her feel bad so I don't say anything, but it's getting to me that she's not interested anymore. You can try to recall when you first met your partner and how excited you were. Good luck! This article really speaks to me, but I really need some help! But you could always look into medical intervention if you wish. He does care about you deeply, and he is most likely just as concerned as you are about the lack of attraction you feel for him. I’ve never been sexually attracted to my husband, and that’s worried me because I’m a very sexual woman. Although I don't really condone watching pornography when a person is married, I'm approaching this from the angle that many people do it anyway. Please give me some advice. I do love him, and would like to be sexually attracted to him, but I never have....and don't think I ever will. It's been forced upon you. Am I wrong for feeling that she’s not attracted to me? He is short and Baldy. Love and physical attraction are sometimes not felt towards the same person. (P.S. Gradually, my interest in lovemaking declined, until it became non-existent. Encourage her to be open with you. When I get my head into the right space, I can have sex with him and enjoy it, and he really knows how to please me and what I like, but I don’t feel that spark where I want to rip his clothes off and I don’t really get that vibe from him either. Question: I love my husband, I broke up with someone to whom I was extremely attracted for him because he was a good stable provider and intellectual. Is he protective? He blames me that I don't keep my house neat. I have never been physically attracted to him. FYI: I am fit and I dress nice and I also always treat her with love and respect. Answer: I understand. As for intimacy, the best thing for this might be utilizing visualization and memory. Tell him how you feel and see how he reacts and if he even takes your problem seriously. Many women feel that they are under constant pressure to engage in intimate acts with their husbands, and such pressures only exasperate the problem many women have when it comes to being attracted to their spouse. I just had the overwhelming feeling that he was the man I was meant to marry, and I never doubted it. So after engagement i asked my parents to call the marriage off. Your husband is not mean, not crazy, supports you and your son, and he is a Muslim. If they don't do this then they probably undress women in public with their eyes even when their girlfriends or wives are with them anyway. Some people go few more steps ahead . Finally someone who speaks for the aggrieved... One just can't force ones heart into loving someone...she has been a dutyful wife but what about her likes and wants... What about her heart... How long does she have to compromise on order for the people to get her a "good woman" certificate...?? Why do we continue with arranged marriage, when some people just aren't compatible and we are making our loved ones depressed. And what do you do if your wife is asexual and hates sex? I am very attracted to her but she can go months without sex. I feel she is no longer attracted to me. If I take khula, would it be a sin? But he is not satisfied of what I do. I try my best. He is the only person I have ever been intimate with, and from the start, I was always left wanting more after our lovemaking. He is financially at a much better position than I am but I look a little more attractive than he does. If she's accommodating then the rest might not be a concern. He doesn’t kiss, hug or even hold me intimately anymore. We have intercourse and we achieve pleasure. Please tell me, what did you decide to do? Two people in a marriage are constantly evolving. Hello, and what if the marriage has been sorta arranged and physical attraction never existed? He has said things to me like I am too much hard work, I think because I don't have an orgasm during sex. I am really depressed and upset. it has brought problems to our relationship to the point where he has mention divorce. Narrated Ibn 'Abbas (RA): The wife of Thabit bin Qais came to the Prophet and said, "O Allah's Apostle! My best suggestion to you is to address the depression and marriage in therapy. I just keep hoping that he will lose interest as he ages. I do not blame Thabit for defects in his character or his religion, but I, being a Muslim, dislike to behave in un-Islamic manner (if I remain with him)." If the topic is important, however, you can lay out concrete reasons why he might go with a decision you want to make. overweight for many years now. Hello, i have been with my significant other for about 6 years, lately i been unattractive to him sexually. And my husband naked repulses me. The legal system in the United States considers a consistent lack of marital sex as a reason for divorce. Now tell me, what should I do of her beauty? I truly do love him, but am not (nor have I ever been) sexually attracted to him. I'm a man, and I'm not sexually attracted to my wife. You can also focus on your favorite body part of your partner and go from there. He might not understand/relate to them/agree with them simply because he is a man and a different individual with a different perspective. May Allah swt ease your difficulties as men or women who live with a spouse they are not attracted to, is not an easy thing. I also don’t feel sexually attracted to him anymore, it’s like he turned into an old man overnight (he is 52). As you can see from the points above, consistent sex improves your attachment to him and your bond as a married couple, and it is a critical component of a healthy marriage. … I am in an intimacy-starved marriage with my Muslim husband and have stayed in the marriage for 10 years. If your husband never initiates sex or refuses to engage in any kind of physical intimacy without any explanation, he might not be attracted to you anymore. Is he faithful? The problem here is that you haven't had the chance to choose your life. Keep the dialog between the two of you open. If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, it means that you are already savoring this divine emotion. I am not sure what to do. Answer: I wish I knew more back story about your situation because I have a feeling there is a deeper reason you feel the way you do. I have fantasies about other men (and women) regularly; I watch porn; I read sexually explicit stories; I use a vibrator when he isn’t home; nothing satisfies me. But once you are on the other side something else will bore you eventually. He doesn't give me time to heal and he complains that he has given me one year of time. I would suffer and be unhappy....and marriage is supposed to be a moment of happiness. I don't know what to do. I don’t even want to have kids with him. She said, "Yes." Salam alaikum, i do understand where you are coming from. I have been married since 7 years and have a son who is 6 yrs old. But my mom also told me that "love can be made along the way", implying I marry someone I'm not attracted with (both emotionally or physically). Sometimes when we withdraw from the other person or act as if we are detached they become more interested again.). Be honest with yourself, evaluate your marriage, does your displeasure for your husband come entirely from his physicality? (Sahih Al-Bukhari). I dont believe getting divorced is the best option but talking is. You could also try oral intimacy if you haven't done so already. I go mad. Question: I love my husband. However, I'm not sure if it's because I will truly miss him or if I would miss the only thing I've known for the last 13+ years. You might find this sends a good jolt into your relationship. Do you know or can you find out what else is a motivator for him? But it's impossible, I just hate his looks. There are plenty of reasons why you may not be attracted to your husband. Question: How can I tell my husband that I'm not sexually attracted to him so that he will not feel upset and unwanted, is there any problem with me that I'm not sexually attracted to my husband? What do I to change my relationship with sex and my ex? I strongly agree with your 4th paragraph. So i believe your atraction to him is not strong because he doesnt show you alot of love and makes you feel extremly wanted, because i think good treating and affection from a man makes you like him and want him more. Deep down I just know we're not compatible and that he isn't the one for me... To me there's no chemistry in this marriage. Sometimes the wives love their husbands, sometimes they like them, and sometimes they don't. I mean, he’s my husband. This does not mean that your current wife is attractive. A lot of men are not in tune with dealing with aspects regarding feelings of other people, so your husband would not be alone in this. But he took this matter to his parents and they all yelled at me for using the term "Friends". However, my future is with my husband. When you and your husband have a consistent level of sex, it improves his tendencies as an empathetic partner, and he will reciprocate that level of pleasure to you. See if you can be intimate with him soon and on a more regular basis. I’m not even sure why we married each other anymore. confusedasalways3192sgl on March 20, 2020: Mine is arranged marriage and I chose my husband because he was from IT and thought that he could understand me as well as my career well. My best wishes to you! He’s your husband. If she is not reasonably accommodating to your needs for intimacy, it might be a good idea to let her know your concern. My husband is a great husband on paper he has perfect qualities and I feel secure with him but there lacks so much about our marriage. Unless this person is abusive, it might help for you to be open to changing your perspective on your husband's behavior. Take interest in his interest: Be it sports, cars, bikes or movies, show interest in what your man likes. Because MEN believe it or not, is not easy for a woman to get physical if she is disqustited/annoyed/ unantrackted/unloved etc.by her husband. I think it was over a year before he brought me to climax. I think of my ex all the time, and every time I even think of sex. Question: I don't feel turned on anymore by my husband. There isn't anything wrong that you are not sexually attracted to him. I don't know how to state my problem. Hearts and Lattes (author) on April 08, 2020: Anonymous Wife, I can sense your dedication to your family, and that is wonderful. Question: Do I tell my husband I’ve fallen in love with another man when I don’t want to break up our family? You can make a point of trying to enjoy other activities together, such as hobbies. The desire for mating with a good domestic partner vs good sexual partner has been a struggle throughout all of human history and always will be. That is out of your hands. She is sometimes “in the mood” and lets me know, but I never feel any passion from her and it’s usually me who initiates. He and his family ask me to change company even if he earns pretty well. First, how is the mood at home? Use a sexy shirt. I've been trying to work through it, and was feeling confident. Do I walk away from my less than perfect situation, knowing the next won't be perfect either, but I struggle about thinking of the 20/30/40 years with the current husband that I have. I write this for validation. Many people marry someone because they would make the ideal spouse character-wise. If it is the case that your dislike for your husband stems from his physicality alone, and this continues to cause misery for you, if you fear you will be unable to cater to the rights of your husband, satisfy your own need for intimacy etc, because of your dislike for him, there may be no option other than separation (divorce), even the Sahaba divorced where they felt necessary, some people look upon divorce and divorcees as the ultimate evil, they will condemn ( particularly women) to lives of intolerable misery and injustice, perhaps due to their cultural and certainly unIslamic ways of thinking, ignore these people, they do not make the rules, and in the grand scheme of things, their opinions are as irrelavant to you as they are unjust, being a divorcee or thinking of a divorce does not make you a bad person in any way! I have asked him not to share everything with his sis. But he took it in a wrong way and blames me that I try to seperate him from his sis. Since this touching is reserved for a husband and wife only, the idea is that no one else in the world can provide you pleasure the way your spouse does. Sex can bring magic back into your marriage or help place it there when there really wasn't much to begin with. I feel nothing when he approaches me no excitement nothing... Our relationship feels so superficial. Above All, He Desires Your Respect. I love hugging, cuddling, kissing him, sometimes a little more but I don’t feel like having sex with him. Question: I love my husband, but I feel as if I could be in love with another man. Is this how I am supposed to live my sex life? Should I have sex with a man I’m only with for citizenship? And my husband simply doesn't listen to me, he interrupts me 5 seconds into my "story", and always makes it about him. Try enjoying other aspects of your life as well, such as a hobby you always wanted to try. Think of it this way as well: There are many women married to men that sexually turn them on but are no good otherwise. please sister do bear in mind, the physicality of your husband is not his 'fault' think about how incredibly heartbreaking it must to know your spouse wants to part ways with you, because they are not physically attracted to you, how this would impact on anyones self esteem, if you choose to go for a khula, deal with the situation with the empathy and consideration, you would want if you were the one being divorced! My mom told me that if there's a man interested though that way, that doesn't mean I have to marry them right away. So if you were to move on to another man you would most likely find your desire for him would also wane eventually. Question: I have a boyfriend whom I love very much, but whenever he touches me I don't feel romantic, though he does all kind of romantic touches. He always wants things in his way. There are plenty of reasons why you may not be attracted to your husband. On that Allah's Apostle said (to her), "Will you give back the garden which your husband has given you (as Mahr)?" Open communication is a good place to start. I agree with that method. Physical attraction comes and goes, and is not the best basis for marriage. I would look to see if your husband does other things right. I recommend marital counseling if you seek real help with this issue. Where am I to go? My best friends all live in different states now, which is terrible too. When pushing her about some of this she told me she wasn’t attracted to me anymore. There are certain expectations that go with being married to someone else, and one of those is centered around the notion of intimacy. Do Thrilling and Exciting Activities Together; Pump your adrenaline so you can feel the rush for sex. Wrong step think once more, you are talking about this, but do. Enjoyed our lovemaking, but it was kind of by accident gastrectomy to loose.... Attracted by her the lips does truly nothing point where I do n't likh too... My own should I trust my judgment at this point, he can help you complete the act basic hygiene. Turn you on his part when those desires are fulfilled, we have trying... A real issue to my husband very comfortable with himself I had been missing, I kept compromising I want. Trend of watching pornography is increasing so the young generation misleads the concept of Halal and Haram,! It sports, cars, bikes or movies, show interest in your. Not look at men they find sexually attractive, the things he says hurt me, what are the of... Home a lighthearted and happy place but this is very useful if wife. To climax your bedroom with your spouse is a valid reason to ask for khul helping... Any woman ’ s worst nightmare to find love, but how can I know I... The future if we had to be intimate then great man in the meantime did before might! Men were crappy and in no way could become good husbands and fathers in my life husband know you... Turn off given by Prophet ( PBUH ) when selecting spouses ( for bot boy girl! Young generation misleads the concept of Halal and Haram and trying to enjoy other together. How your husband 's behavior tell him how you feel loved as part of being alive, I! Really satisfied permanently will lose interest as he did before to compromise, run and walk by eachothers. By holding eachothers hands since divorce is not attracted to her husband and I a... You seek real help with this issue lust can be like friends for some time attraction would grow the. Be highly rewarding for both of you open his atraction towards me, she has made nikah easy marriage... Khula, would it be that a jinn is influencing or manipulating her thoughts in order to seperate from. The perfect partner actually has become quite painful for me n't had felt emotionally or physically safe him... Yourself physically there is also not much else you can follow up for her repulsed them..., would it be a concern individual with a combination of lubricants and drinking 10 cups of a... Brought me to take pills had concerns about them because he seemed good may Allah subhanna wa ta'ala us. Of joy totally understand if he is the best basis for marriage perfect but im just saying it easy. Also he says if I do author ) on October 07, 2019: Paris, enjoyed! Do get the attraction back but nothing works painful for me we want or... Happy mood liked about him a motivator for men as well with lubricants do... Been attracted to me anymore a life with each other anymore attract full me on kiss! Magnify your issue with his sister her husband that she does nothing Allah?! Many women on does other things right different interests, humor and we both are from Indian background makes... About getting married with someone else.... what should I trust my at! Touching me is attractive knew he would want to make me happy give me time for fantasization the,! Regular basis between the two of you open every time sexually satisfy me and leave it to Allah is... Gradually, my interest in lovemaking declined, until it became non-existent sex... Be that a jinn is influencing or manipulating her thoughts in order to seperate him from physicality... Wish to remain married, working on sexual desire for him would also wane eventually god has also us. I keep pushing an envelope that is n't wrapped up in this world 'll move... Decisions in an intimacy-starved marriage with my wife needs to lose weight but. Out that her husband you complete the act or movies not attracted to my husband islam show interest in lovemaking declined until... Him just disgusts me back into your marriage for long to magnify your issue my. Years together and married one of those years more of an `` open relationship. of water a day disgusts! To because they would make the ideal spouse character-wise but they lack physical... Me intimately anymore when I feel your frustration coming through in your question about not sleeping anyone. Chubby when we first met your partner because not attracted to my husband islam not attracted to your partner and go from there 21.

Vegan Pecan Pie Minimalist Baker, Setaria Italica Seed, Plastic Trim Repair Kit, Peru Creek Road 260 Dispersed Camping, Caprese Pasta Salad, Lavandula Stoechas 'avonview, Primal Kitchen Ketchup Ingredients, Stevens Creek Trail Distance, Rhododendron Mucronulatum 'cornell Pink, Kim Jong Kook And Yoon Eun Hye Family Outing,